LOT No. 001 · ONE (1) PRESIDENT · PREVIOUSLY OWNED BY NOBODY
🤝

THE GREATEST
DEAL EVER MADE

He found the one thing in this country that nobody had ever claimed, and it was himself. Everything after that was paperwork.

LOT 001SELLER: HIMSELFASKING PRICE: $3TERMS: FOREVER
CLAIMED TUESDAY 9:15 AM · SOLD BY LUNCH

TRUMPDEAL

HE CLAIMED HIMSELF, THEN SOLD HIMSELF BACK TO AMERICA.

i found something nobody owned. it was me. so i bought it and sold it to you.

They passed a law saying the president can claim anything in this country that has no owner on the paperwork. I went through the whole list twice, and every single thing already had a name on it, which frankly was disappointing. Then I got to the last line and there it was, the biggest asset in America, sitting there with nobody's name on it at all: me.

So I claimed myself on a Tuesday morning while everybody else was still asleep. By lunch I owned me outright, free and clear, no liens, no partners. Then I sold me back to America at a price we both called very fair, and America is still making the payments, and that is why they call it the greatest deal ever made.

BUY $TRUMPDEAL FOLLOW ON X SEE THE DEAL
CONTRACT: live on launch copy
LISTING 001FOR SALE BY OWNER
ASKING$3
One (1) president, standing exactly where he was found, still convinced he is worth more than the number on the tag
POKE HIM · HE PAYS
MAKE HIM AN OFFER ↓
THE MINI GAME

THE NEGOTIATION DESK

You are America. He is selling you himself. Push back all you want, but every single thing you say moves the price in exactly one direction, and it is not down. Eight rounds, then you shake on it.

ROUND0 / 8
HIS PRICE$3
YOUR LEVERAGE100%

RUNNING DEAL SHEET

OPENING PRICE$3
ROUNDS SPENT TALKING0
TIMES THE PRICE MOVED DOWN0
MULTIPLE ON THE OPENING×1
STATUSSTILL LISTENING TO YOU
HIMSit down, take your time, look at the tag. The number is three dollars and it goes up every time you open your mouth, so choose your words like they cost money, because now they do.
    THE CONTRACT

    EIGHT CLAUSES, ALL OF THEM HIS

    FIELD NOTES

    HOW THE DEAL GOT DONE

    The official appraisal, conducted by him, on him, in a mirror, with nobody else in the room

    THE APPRAISAL

    He hired the finest appraiser in the country, and the finest appraiser in the country turned out to be him. He looked at himself for one full minute without blinking and wrote down a number so large that the notary asked him to say it out loud twice.

    The signature page, signed with a pen he also claimed, on a table he had claimed earlier the same morning

    THE SIGNATURE

    He signed as the seller, then walked around the table and signed as the buyer, then signed a third time as the witness because he did not want a stranger involved. All three signatures came out slightly different and all three were accepted.

    The famous walk-away, four steps to the door and four steps back, at a considerably higher price

    THE WALK-AWAY

    Four steps toward the door, a long pause, then four steps back to the same chair. The price was higher when he sat down and he explained that this was because of the walking, which is a service, and services are billed separately.

    THE PAPERWORK

    PAGE 400 AND EVERYTHING BEFORE IT

    SUPPLY

    One billion units, counted once, by him, quickly. He says the number is exactly right and refuses to count again on the grounds that the first count was already the best count anyone has ever done.

    LIQUIDITY

    Locked, and the key went into the same drawer as the deed, the appraisal and a receipt for ninety litres of gold paint. The drawer is in the desk, and the desk, obviously, he also claimed.

    TAX

    Zero percent. He looked at the number somebody had written down, decided it was much too high, and crossed it out before anyone in the room could finish reading the sentence.

    OWNERSHIP

    Renounced, which was easy, because he already owns himself and that is the only ownership a man really needs. The paper confirming this was signed by him and witnessed by him.

    SELLER · HIMSELF
    BUYER · AMERICA
    WITNESS · ALSO HIMSELF
    DEAL CLOSED

    SOLD.

    America shook his hand and bought one (1) president, delivered to the exact spot where he was already standing.

    $0

    He kept the receipt, the pen, the table and the room. The handshake lasted nine seconds and he has already described it as the greatest handshake in the history of handshakes.